Saturday, May 15, 2010

Bill Nye Isn't dead!

Today, I had no idea where my common sense has been hiding. Probably wherever sexy was before Justin Timberlake found it. Oh Timberlake..if you weren't funny, I'd have no respect for you.
Anyway, the timber in my lake was the Orange County Library website that I discovered today! You can order books online? What? Why do book stores like Barnes and Nobles exist if you can just get free books sent to your home, free of charge? Are people morons? Then again, I shouldn't be talking. I ordered nine books! Nine! How can i possibly read nine books in one month? Well okay, I can do that with normal books, but one of the books is the fricken bible! One thousand one hundred and one pages of God that most people can't even read in a year! Then I arrogantly continued to order the History of Time by Steven Hawking, Les Miserables, and many other classics that would otherwise take me a ridiculous amount of time to read. I can smell a fine coming, but at least Jesus, and a whole bunch of sinners, can comfort me in my gluttonous consumption of literature, or damn me to hell for it.
Speaking of hell, I was forced to watch Dr Oz today, and I have a slap bet going on with my mom that he has more hole in ones than Tiger Woods. I'm always afraid to say things that can make me sound homoerotic, unless I'm around my japanese bear, but, I think it's perfectly straight to recognize when a man is good looking. Hot is pushing it. So Dr Oz is too....relatively good looking to not be having some sort of affair with all those woman laughing at every corny joke that he makes. "Consider that myth...BUSTED". I nearly died. Anyways, like the wise Betty White said: "Wizard of ASS"
Some closing thoughts...isn't saying history of time redundant? Maybe that's the point that Steven Hawkings is making, and that time is just a black hole that goes on and on without ending. Or maybe he's just an idiot. Who knows?
And why do women watch the Doctor Oz show? They should be in the kitchen, making me a sandwich.
High point: Bill Nye the Science guy is alive and actually came on this horrible show! But Dr Oz kept talking over him! Ugh.
But I guess...that's the way the cookie crumbles.

2 comments:

  1. LOL.
    I like your words, sir. I like your words.

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  2. Haha you got over those spelling errors! (: i laughed, and I know to you, thats all that matters.
    I loved everything but I especially loved the beginning. And how you closed with just a sentence on Bill Nye when it was the entire title. haha. oh, how your mind works.

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