Friday, July 30, 2010

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn

I think my blogging dry spell is now over. Thank God, or lack there of, I do not really know. I don't want this blog to be all about Jesus, although he'd like it to be (more on that later), so I'll just say a few things. 1. Jesus is definitely nicer than God is and I feel safer in writing this blog. 2. Jesus is kindof, how do I say this uncontroversially, egotistical? I mean, when he says jump, he expects everyone to say: how high. When he says love thy neighbor he expects everyone to have sex, right then and there. When he says do onto others as you would have done onto you, he expects you to magically get all of God's powers and help with his work load. Enough with this clever babbling, Jesus kind of wants everyone to drop everything and follow him, but honestly, I like my stuff. Can you wait, say, about eight decades? And lastly 3.The more I read the bible, the more I laugh whenever I hear the self asked rhetorical question: "What would Jesus do?". If I find out there's someone in my group of friends that wants to kill me, I'm not going to be a dumbass and let them do it. Jeez Jesus, haha, try that's so Ravening it! If Raven can do it, so can you. If I ran out of wine, and I'm in dire for it, I'm going to the store. If God tries to test me by making me fast for 40 days and nights in a desert and the devil offers me food, I will probably eat it. So sorry Jesus, I constantly ask myself: "What would House do", or "What would J.D (scrubs) do?" or, most importantly: "What would Adam do?" Having a role model always leads you to be focusing on that 2nd place prize, while all two of my eyes are on first. I mean, if life is a game, there has to be a winner. Right?
Okay, so that's enough about Jesus. CHRIST! Not you.
I honestly do not understand why people are in love with South Park. I stay up at night thinking about it. I mean, it's bad enough they're all midgets, but to add to it all, their voices are just so disgusting. I never knew a voice could literally sound so ugly that it would make me taste vommit in my mouth, but congratulations South Park, you've done it.
Speaking of sleeping, every night I've been trying to create my own dreams like they did in Inception without avail. Everytime I realize the dream is a dream, I wake up. It's killing me inside. Oh, and by the way, he wasn't dreaming. In Inception, Cob WAS not dreaming. Now to all you Pro Dreamers out there, I know you probably have a million arguments as to why he was. The kids didn't age, the top kept spinning, his life had a story tale ending, so on and so on. Now I won't address those only to say that we never knew how long Cob(Leo) was gone from his kids, the top could have fallen, and some stories do end..happily? Here's my proof though. Watch the movie again and notice that whenever he's dreaming he wears a ring on his finger. When he's not dreaming, he isn't. At the end of the movie, he has no ring on his finger. SO he wasn't dreaming. Plus the name of the girl that helped him through the 4 dreams was Ariande. Why is this important? It's important because in greek mythology, Ariande led a greek god out of this giant maze made by a horrible greek goddess and he made it out safely. So in conclusion, Suck it.
I decided that I can't decide if Inception is better than The Dark Knight. The only thing I definitely know is that Chris Nolan is a genius.
I think it's weird that I always end my blogs at midnight.
So I'm going to end my note with an update on my life for once:
I'm currently living in Davids House because my parents are at my Uncles Wedding in England
I am ridiculously jealous of the above stated fact
I am obsessed with blogs on psychology
I love the game wipeout, but I hate the show
I love reading the Bible and how no one can school me at it
I might be going to Washington D.C next thursday and I should have technically been there three days ago
I hate using I, a lot. Whenever I do, I feel egotistical and douchy. (meaning showery in french)
I love Jason Mraz..a lot.
Lastly, I love how certain people in my life can make me feel so happy and accomplished by saying the simplist things.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Oh my god, I said "Oh my god"

Okay, so writing in this blog is really getting hard. Instead of talking about Jesus in this blog entry, I will instead talk about a group of people, a lot like the 12 disciples; or whatever they were called, who also drank alcohol and believed that they could do anything. The leader would also have had a beard if she didn't wax herself so often. That's right folks, I'm comparing Jesus and his followers to Jersey Shore. Is that a sin? Let me check the bible. Cheating: no. Stealing: no. Saying "Oh my god": damn it, I just said it. Murder: no. Okay, I think I'm safe...OH NO! God damn it! Apparantly it counts as blasphemy. I could kill someone right now! But for fear of commiting another sin, I will stop while I'm ahead? Behind? I mean, technically I'm ahead because I have two sins, when before I had none. But, I can also be judged as bellow because I'll be going to hell for doing those things.
I don't really understand why saying Oh My God is a sin. I mean, everyone does it, but no one repents each time they say it. Plus, isn't repenting supposed to be ridiculously painful? I mean, if I repented each and every time I said "Oh my god", I think I would commit suicide. Wouldn't you? Also, if you say Oh my gosh, isn't that the same thing because you're basically thinking: Oh my god? It's a paradox. People don't even repent until the end of their lives anyway, and I think it's cheating in a way. I mean, people that do good things their whole life go to heaven, but a bad person who says sorry at the end goes to heaven too? That's like me studying to get an A and someone else cheating to get the same score I did. This doesn't really sound like a "Just" God, but if you think about it, nothing about him is. I mean, if God did exsist, or at least in the way we portray him, wouldn't you think he'd stop the countless deaths in Africa? Wouldn't he forbid war and listen to everyone's thoughts, not just Christians?
The expression "everything happens for a reason" scares me. I mean, what possible reason could there be for a two year old kid to get drowned in the bath tub by his mom? What possible reason could there be for 200 years of slavery? What possible reason could there be for the current child army constantly growing in Uganda? If there is a God, he is either not doing his job, or is a watcher, and not an actor in this play we call life. Otherwise, I'd rather be in the first circle of Hell with Ghandi and Freedie Mercury.
Sorry for my huge exasperated tangent, but alas, these things trouble me.
Anyway, now for a more believable being: Snooky and the gang in Jersey Shore. Now, I know what you're thinking: "I knew Adam was gay". Sorry homosexuals out there, I love fly booties on fake tanless women. Unfake tanless women? I don't even know.
The whole show felt like a giant soap opera that was unscripted and uncut. Well, the dresses were definitely cut, if you know what I mean. The whole concept of the show is very witty and it's no wonder why they have many viewers. Although, I can't tell if the girls on the show are hot, or disgusting. They should work on that.
My favourite part was when Snooky was pissed off at Obama for raising the tax on tanning booths. She thought he was after people like her and she knew Palin would never do something like that. Hilarious
Tommorows blog topic will not be declared just because I've been very bad about reading and sticking to my schedule.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

If you have an issue, here's a tissue.

Now I know I said that I would post something everyday, SO I am. Even though this will be ridiculously short, even by my standards. Okay so I typed in controversial issues into google and the first thing that came up was gay marriage. Here's my view. Everyone is entitled to be unhappy..LOL JK that's Eminems view. But right now it's my view, because as long as they're not marrying me, I don't really care, nor should anyone. Religion and politics should be a personal thing and that's basically the issue when dealing with gay marriage. Since half of my answer was copying my white chocolate friend, pun, the next topic that came out was Affirmitive Action. People get born rich, so they start out in life ahead. Why can't being born black give people advantages, other than being able to dance and cook amazing chicken? I say Affirmitive.
Tommorow I'll continue my Bible biography and divulge into the life and times of Jesus Christ aka: the god in OH MY GOD. Is jesus god, the son of god, or just gods cousin? Read more to find out, or don't. Only God will know...and my blog reader counter.
What else? I basically "discovered" two more amazing websites and one amazing show that I will talk about the next blog entry when I have more time.
Chao for now.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

If you're not swimming or skinny dipping...get out

Unlike yesterday, today was my day for soccer. Now everyone was rooting for Argentina and they had sixty percent odds that they would win, and what happened? Germany kicked their asses. Or lack their of. It was amazing. 4-0. If that wasn’t enough, the next game had three penalties in a record time of one minute and no one scored. But, Spain won. Still, at least Paraguay lost like they deserved to. They beat Japan unfairly, won on false pretences, and therefore deserved to lose.
After soccer, I had to go to the pool with my brother and while I was swimming forty laps it hit me. People don’t go to the pool to swim anymore. Most people just stand around, laugh, and throw balls. Some people actually get angry at the people who are trying to swim because they take up too much space and accidentally run into them. So I blame you, swimming pools, for making it a place for people to just stand in and get a tan, hitherto causing obesity in America. Luckily enough, I have a cure. See, after people get obese from not swimming in pools, they stop swimming because of their grotesque figure. Therefore, they lose all exercise and die a horrible death. My plan is to put all fat people in one giant pool and leave them there for a week, so they can get used to being weightless again. That way, when they finally get out of the water and have the Earth’s pull on them, they’ll get so sick of it that they’ll actually exercise and work off the pounds. I will make millions.
Hm what else? Well my mom returned my Bible to the library “accidentally”, so I have nothing to read. But, I coped by finding this site called It’s this awesome site where you can just go from page to page and it teaches you random things about everything in the world. I think if I spend enough time on it, I’ll be a genius.
Hmmm, lastly there’s a rapping weather man on the fox channel so if the writing career doesn’t work, I’ll just do that, for Cnn of course.
I think that’s all I have for today except that I love random information from random website.

Worst Restaurant Ever

I’m running out of things to say already. I’m only joking, when have I ever have nothing to say except when I’m stuck in my head? Well anyway, I love the word Hitherto. I have a whole new diction and you’re not even here to hear it. Get it? Probably not. Regardless, I have other things to talk about than my ever growing diction, woah de ja vu. Or should I say De ja ecrit. (Google translate that shet). Anyways, today Daniela and Diana came over to watch soccer and it was depressing. Both Brazil and Ghana lost and both games were ridiculously unfair. Well, no, Brazil was just playing terribly and fricken lost to the Netherlands, who are apparently a really good team. The Ghana game, however, was atrocious(new diction betch); Ghana had a free kick and they kicked it right into a player in the goal, not the goalie, and you know what that player did? He used his F’n hands. So of course, he got a red card and got sent off, but if he hadn’t been in the way Ghana would have won seeing as it was 0-0 last minute of overtime. So Ghana gets a penalty and they miss, then they lose in the actual penalty kick round after overtime. If that Uragayanese player hadn’t touched it or been there Ghana would have won. UGH. What a disappointment. So now the only team I like is Germany and they better fricken win.
SO I think I’m about done talking about my day, except to say that I’m turning into a flabby nerd that only reads and occasionally hangs out with his friends only to play video games and a plethora of other nerdesque activities. I need some excitement, some skullduggery(when will my diction ever stop getting amazing? Answer: Never), and some racism. With a side of sexism, if you’ve got it.

Can't touch this, legally

Now before today, I thought I was hot. I thought I was all that and a bag of chips. I thought I was peanut butter, jelly, and a baseball bat, simultaneously. I thought WRONG. Lol jk, am I ever wrong? I just got even more amazing. I sometimes feel like people actually think I’m this narcissistic, I really am not. I do what a lot of comedians do, and create this narcissistic character to get casual laughs from you guys. If I was as narcissistic as I act, I’d be imperfect. Wrap your brain around that one. Anyway, today, I got a haircut, and a new phone. So I walk in and say: “Make it as short as you want, but make it look good”. And boom: Fohawk. Thank God for gay hair dressers. Oh shoot! If you thank god for creating a gay person, won’t that piss him off? I’m literally shivering now after reading the beginning of the bible…God’s mean. I can’t wait till he gets through the terrible teens, then I can start joking about him again. Okay so I have no idea who I should thank, because has anyone ever met a straight hairdresser? I haven’t. Maybe me thanking God for a gay hairdresser is like thanking god for a blue sky, or a Hispanic Nicole, or an adamazing personality. Philosophical ideas aside, I sent a picture of my amazing face to Nicole and even she said I look Hot. I mean, Nicole. She’s literally the first person to say: “Shut up Adam, you’re not that great.” So let’s go under the assumption that I wasn’t hot before. Now I’m funny, smart, witty, talented, athletic, sociable, and now: hot. I have no idea how anyone is going to be able to keep their hands off me. I can’t even do that.

This is the start of something new...sortof

I woke up this morning feeling very unP-diddyish,brushing my teeth with a bottle of toothpaste, read someones blog, and realized, why the f am I not writing in my blog on a regular basis. I have two entries for June, and it's July. I know no one reads it, but I need to decide whether I want to continue to consistantly write in it, or consistantly not write in it. Consistancy is very important. I'm not sure if consistantly is a word. Isn't it constantly?
So, I have several blog entries coming from the past month that I've written but have been to busy to correct and post. I think they're alright. Isn't it weird that if you add an l to alright, it's all right, meaning perfect, but without the L, it's imperfect? Amazing what one letter can do. Nucking futs, I'm rambling. My goal is to write in this baby every day til summer ends. Nothing is stopping me, even if I have to write at 2 o'clock in the morning in the middle of a desert in Alaska, with nothing but a turtle to charge my computer and an eskomo to sit on.
Good Morning, Good Afternoon, and Good night.