I never write in the morning...
but I'm writing about mourning
so I think it works.
I've recently read a blog about how to deal with someone who is mourning. After reading it I realized that I'm even going to be the best at helping people mourn. Is there anything I can't do? No, I can't do that thing where I turn into light! Shut up Jesus. Jeez, always trying to one-up me. It was a rhetorical question!
Anyway, I would have my own show and everything. The Mourning helper! The theme song would start out with a rapid beat, a sort of tarzan vibe, then it would suddenly stop. You hear a huge gasp of breath and a sudden fountain of shrieks, outcries, and overall sadness. Then suddenly all goes quiet and you can just hear the pumpkin shaped frowns being turned upside down. (Quick note: frowns don't go into a complete u shape when you're frowning, so by turning that frown upside down actually makes it form a sort of smirk on your face, instead of a recognizable smile.) Then you would hear a huge voice saying: THE MOURNING, and a small squeaky voice whispering: helper! My gorgous face would then appear, taking up the whole screen, while winking at whoever is watching. I'd be like the mono lisa, except pretty, and without mono. Or was that Mona Lisa? Who knows?
I rode the Harry Potter ride four times now and I have to say that I'm not as impressed as everyone else is. I mean, it's pretty cool how your vehicle thing goes right up to each and every creature and how realistic it feels. Plus, hearing Rons voice makes me feel all happy inside; the anti-dementer feeling, if you will.
Now to be a negative Nancy, or in this case, a negative Neville, or a vivacious Voldemort, or a Hindersome Harry, or a sexy Severus....I've gone too far. Oxymorons aren't usually my thing.
Sorry to be a negative Neville, but the story line of the ride made absolutely no sense at all. First of all, letting Muggles into Hogwarts would be preposterous. I mean, they're not supposed to know wizards exsist! I say they because I'm a wizard. While you're in the castle you see Dumbledore, which is obviously impossible because he's dead. After that, you get into the ride and you're supposed to be on a broom following Ron and Harry when suddenly Hagrid asks you if you've seen a dragon. Why would he have a Hungarian Horntail at Hogwarts? I saw no Goblet on fire. I didn't even see a small candle with a flame. Then after you "defeat" the Dragon, you're suddenly in the Forbidden Forest and see the Womping Willow, which really isn't that unbelievable. Suddenly you're then at the Quidich Pitch and Dementors come out of no where to attack you? What? That makes no sense. Dementors were only around when Sirius broke out of prison! Plus, after Voldemort was killed they depleted in numbers and wouldn't be stupid enough to go into the lions den, so to speak. After a couple Dementers glide at you, you're suddenly in the Chamber of Secrets? WTF. I think the maker of the ride just watched the movies, picked a couple of scenes, and made a ride. I can probably recreate the ride by watching the movies and moving from side to side.
The butterbeer made up for everything, probably because I was in a sugar coma, but still.
From now on, I just want Barnes and Noble gift cards for all gift giving holidays. I want it to be so if someone gives me something that's not a Barnes and Noble gift card, they feel really out of place and be looked at like they're a moron. At first they'd think: "Man, all these people gave him the same thing! I am so original". Then I'd open it and a sudden gasp would occur. Everyone would point at the door at say: "Get out". And that'd be the end of that. Hilarious.