Saturday, December 4, 2010


I'm not talking about my girlfriend Kat.
I'm talking ACTUAL CAT.
Now, I was already a cat person to begin with. I mean, think about it. What's another word for a cat? A pussy. Who hates pussy? People don't care for it, but no one HATES it.
Whats another connotation for a dog? A man that is an asshole by profession. In all senses of the word. Sure, puppy is a nice word. But in the end, all puppies die. I mean, they eventually become dogs then die. Unless they reach an early death..silly me. At what age do they go from being puppies to being dogs? Is there a species name transformation birthday we, as a nation, should be celebrating?
Anyway, cats are obviously the bomb.
But I've never seen a cat like this one.
Benjamin has two different colored eyes. Now my problem with women is that I always eventually get tired into staring into the same colored eyes all the time. This would change EVERYTHING.
Benjamin, if you are ever sick, I'll give you a cat-scan.
If you're ever cold, I'll give you mittens.
You and your mousetache is just purrrfect. I'm feline great just thinking about you.
I would never make you feel(th)is ca(c)tis.(scientific name for domestic cat.)
You had me at meow.
But if we don't talk, i'll go cat-atonic.
OH rats, I feel like a loser, but if I remove this post, you'll have nothing to scratch yourself on.

The wizarding world isn't what it's CRACKed up to be.

I realized something today when thinking about roofes.Why was I thinking about roofies? Probably because I was afraid that the wench in the last post tried to betrothe me. Anyway, In Harry potter, Ginny completely forgot what happened the day before when Voldemort "confuzled" her. He obviously slipped roofies in her drink. I swear, the magical world of Harry Potter is
over hyped. You heard me Jk Rowling, I'm jking and rowling around right now just thinking about you apprantly fictional world. It's not fictional, we live in it. No, I'm not crazy. Just think about it for two seconds non exsistant readers! Two seconds! If you think about it even harder, the muggle world is better.
Lets start with the spells. We can do everything any spell could do.
Lumos: flashlight
Avada Kadavra: gun
I mean, seriously, the only thing that is remotely unbelievable in the novel is the fact that no one realized that Draco was in love with Hermionie. I mean, it's so blatantly obvious. And flying broomsticks.
Maybe Jk Rowling should Accio up some ORIGINAL IDEAS
On a completely unrelated note..
Never go to California. Ever.
I've never been, which makes me a reliable source since I'm not dead.
It's.Just.Horrible. There are fires..EVERYWHERE.
If fire were an export..California would single handedly solve this economic crisis. Because they just have so much fire. It's not even metaphorical fire, it's actual fire. Plus earthquakes are happening all the time. Why go there.(Not a question for a reason.)
Just kidding about that last one, camping would be amazing.
As would being a firefighter.
You think firefighters like fighting fires? Maybe they start the fires to keep their job? J'ACCUSE.

To end this blog of mindless ranting..I'd like to relate a conversation between me and my roommate. Chris.
"Know that song Adam?"
"It's Chair of Rock by the smashing pumpkins."
Haha..I'm hilarious

American football is a closeted homosexual. Touchdown?

I'm terrible at blogs.
But seeing as this is finals week, I think I'll restart it up, for lolz and giggles and rofls. Hm. I could go for a rofl. Or is that a ruffle? Damn English language.
Today I went to a football game, excuse me, I went to an American Football game. I almost overhyped my day. Silly me. SO as I was saying, I was sitting in the audience, studying for my test, when suddenly I GOT HARASSED and DRUGGED. Okay, I'm kindof exagerating. But riddle me this...what's so bad about studying at a football game? No one is creating any intelligent conversation and's not FOOTBALL. Why do Americans call football football. You kick the ball a marginally short ammount of time compared to when you touch it. Man..maybe American Football is a closeted homosexual sport. So obsessed with touching balls that they cover up their obvious male fetish with a so obviously heterosexual name. I mean, comeon! Look at the obvious signs. Like..the terms of football. Touch down? TOUCH..DOWN. Ball Carrier. BLOW....OUT! Check DOWN.CORNER BACK.DEAD BALL!DEFENSIVE...DEFENSIVE..DEFENSIVE BACK!GOAL LINE. HAND OFF.HOLDING!KNEEL! LINE BACKER.LOOSE BALL!RUSH! I could go ON AND ON! It's gayer than Daniel Radcliffe. You think he's straight, don't you? Damn, now I have to furtherly digress. Damn. Okay, one word. Equus. Wait...damn that's beastiality. Okay I'm regressing now....
Okay well anyway, I'm there studying for philosophy, minding my own buisness...when a drunk wench approached me saying: "Why are you studying! WTF WTF. (What the fuck), dude chilll out, drink some of this".
Why did I drink some of that, I still don't know to this day.
I took a sip.
I'm kindof a baby, but that was my first sip of alcohol.
Now before I make a confession, let me just say that I think all the time.
All the time.
I'm an overthinker.
Now, that tiny bit of alcohol. It let me be me. It let me quote the beatles! WAPA. I hate george lopez, why did I just quote him?
Anyway, that was today.

I have more to say, but I'm going to let that start my next post.