Aziz Ansari is my hero

So I don't know what it is about me, but, food related incidents constantly happen to me, and I just don't know what to do about it. Now if you know me at all, you'd know that I'm not picky, I just have this strong intuition that I'm allergic to eggs. Well anyways more on that later. I hate places where I have to tell people what I want. I hate it. Take... krap.... what's that mexican place called again? Quick text to Nicole...okay take Chipotle. Now whenever I go, the servers guilt me into having beans in my Wife Beater. Yeah wierd name for a burrito right? It sounds like I took off my shirt, took off my undershirt, put an assortment of vegetables and meat, and gorged on that plethora of fabric. Sounds rather bland. Do beaters of wives eat that type of burrito? Or do people who become wife beaters, become wife beaters because of the wife beater burrito? Sounds like an age old question. Anyway, everytime I go to Chipotle, they guilt me into putting nasty things in my burrito, like beans and that nasty white sauce. You know what I'm talking about. Well I told this to my friend Nicole and she told me I was being dumb. I should order what I like and that's that. Okay, so I walk in to this hell hole, which was then a place of wonder and choice, I walk up to the porty african american woman, politely ask for a wife beater, and then I ordered my burrito! HELLO! Jokes aside, she asked me: "Black beans or yellow(i think) beans?" SHE DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME A NO BEANS OPTION. But whatever, I swallowed up my pride and said: "No beans..thank you". Of course she didn't hear me, which caused me to say:"NO BEANS THANK YOU." Now a normal person, not that I'm saying that black people are abnormal, the unsaid woman was just extremely jerkish. Well I would be too, if I worked there. I mean, maybe that's how they get their entertainment. I watch tv, some people play pokemon, Chipotle employees laugh at peoples orders. So she laughs at my face because me not liking beans is apparantly the funnist thing since the Boondocks. Oh those honkies, what will they do next? And I'm still throughly embarassed after her cackling; so when she asks me if I want the white sauce or the red sauce, notice no NO option, I said white sauce. My wife beater was ruined, and I will never eat at such an aweful place again, although the meat was very succulent. Isn't it weird how if you're full of awe of a person it's a good thing, but if a person's aweful, you hate them?

Rhetorical questions ignored, this happened about a month ago, so why mention it now? On this blog of all blogs? Well today I went to another establishment that lets you "choose" your meal. This time, it was Cold Stone. Now I'm a traditional guy. I like my chocolate, my vanilla, my strawberry, my resess(never know how to spell it ugh), and of course, my oreo. But, Cold stone is basically the Sweden of the Icecream continent. Meaning, that it basically rapes all of it's ice cream flavours with basically any topping it can, although I do love their tasteful names for their sugary delights. Take the "All lovin, No oven." Sounds like a jews dream...wow that was distasteful, but so is this sorry excuse for an ice cream choice. Now you know the ice cream is being assaulted by toppings if the flavour of ice cream is on the bottom of the list. This beauty is covered in cookie dough, fudge and most importantly whipped cream. Oh, I guess the name does make sense. I do like your wit Cold Stone. However your customer service leaves must to be desired. I was in a plain mood and I just wanted a scoop of regular vanilla icecream. Nothing crazy. No Oreo Overload for me today, no sir, just vanilla. They would not take no for an answer. They would do that thing, you know, that people do when they can't believe what you just said. My portly, now crackerish, employee asked: "No toppings?" in that smug voice like I just said I wasn't going to college and they asked me "No education?" YES NO TOPPINGS, give me my ice cream. Jeezus. I swear. Having a choice is great if you can create it yourself. Maybe that's why people don't like adoption. hmm. Anyway, Menchies is the perfect place for Ice cream and I now hate every other country in this distasteful continent of Eurafrickenkiddenmeyoucallthiscustomerservicepe.

Now with all of this frustration vented out of me, I can now focus on what matters: The World Cup! Now, I hate club soccer, I'm a country watcher! What can I say? Well this year I have all my money riding on England, as always. Watching them play makes my hair stick on end. Funnily enough though, I'll lose more than metaphorical money this World Cup. If England loses against the United States on the first match of the competition, I have to shave my hair. But if England loses, my dad has to shave his hair, or lack their of, off. Now have you guys seen my hair? It's f'n gorgous. I have never seen anything more lusciously flowing and beautiful in my life. But then again, who has? So I am obviously not going to cut it, even if I lose. I'm a lot of things, but not a man of word. Escpecially when it comes to bets that cause hair loss.

I've been listening to Superman by Eminem. It's basically how I'm going to live life from now on.

I AM IN LOVE WITH AZIZ ANSARI. He is literally the funniest stand up comedian I have ever heard and..watched.

Twilight...stop winning awards. Teenagers who love twilight...stop voting. Don't you get enough of a thrill by reading and watching your heart throbs? Must you smash them in our faces? By our I obviously mean all the other people that actually enjoy books that are written well. Crazy me.

After all: "There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written, that is all." - Wilde