Saturday, December 4, 2010


I'm not talking about my girlfriend Kat.
I'm talking ACTUAL CAT.
Now, I was already a cat person to begin with. I mean, think about it. What's another word for a cat? A pussy. Who hates pussy? People don't care for it, but no one HATES it.
Whats another connotation for a dog? A man that is an asshole by profession. In all senses of the word. Sure, puppy is a nice word. But in the end, all puppies die. I mean, they eventually become dogs then die. Unless they reach an early death..silly me. At what age do they go from being puppies to being dogs? Is there a species name transformation birthday we, as a nation, should be celebrating?
Anyway, cats are obviously the bomb.
But I've never seen a cat like this one.
Benjamin has two different colored eyes. Now my problem with women is that I always eventually get tired into staring into the same colored eyes all the time. This would change EVERYTHING.
Benjamin, if you are ever sick, I'll give you a cat-scan.
If you're ever cold, I'll give you mittens.
You and your mousetache is just purrrfect. I'm feline great just thinking about you.
I would never make you feel(th)is ca(c)tis.(scientific name for domestic cat.)
You had me at meow.
But if we don't talk, i'll go cat-atonic.
OH rats, I feel like a loser, but if I remove this post, you'll have nothing to scratch yourself on.

The wizarding world isn't what it's CRACKed up to be.

I realized something today when thinking about roofes.Why was I thinking about roofies? Probably because I was afraid that the wench in the last post tried to betrothe me. Anyway, In Harry potter, Ginny completely forgot what happened the day before when Voldemort "confuzled" her. He obviously slipped roofies in her drink. I swear, the magical world of Harry Potter is
over hyped. You heard me Jk Rowling, I'm jking and rowling around right now just thinking about you apprantly fictional world. It's not fictional, we live in it. No, I'm not crazy. Just think about it for two seconds non exsistant readers! Two seconds! If you think about it even harder, the muggle world is better.
Lets start with the spells. We can do everything any spell could do.
Lumos: flashlight
Avada Kadavra: gun
I mean, seriously, the only thing that is remotely unbelievable in the novel is the fact that no one realized that Draco was in love with Hermionie. I mean, it's so blatantly obvious. And flying broomsticks.
Maybe Jk Rowling should Accio up some ORIGINAL IDEAS
On a completely unrelated note..
Never go to California. Ever.
I've never been, which makes me a reliable source since I'm not dead.
It's.Just.Horrible. There are fires..EVERYWHERE.
If fire were an export..California would single handedly solve this economic crisis. Because they just have so much fire. It's not even metaphorical fire, it's actual fire. Plus earthquakes are happening all the time. Why go there.(Not a question for a reason.)
Just kidding about that last one, camping would be amazing.
As would being a firefighter.
You think firefighters like fighting fires? Maybe they start the fires to keep their job? J'ACCUSE.

To end this blog of mindless ranting..I'd like to relate a conversation between me and my roommate. Chris.
"Know that song Adam?"
"It's Chair of Rock by the smashing pumpkins."
Haha..I'm hilarious

American football is a closeted homosexual. Touchdown?

I'm terrible at blogs.
But seeing as this is finals week, I think I'll restart it up, for lolz and giggles and rofls. Hm. I could go for a rofl. Or is that a ruffle? Damn English language.
Today I went to a football game, excuse me, I went to an American Football game. I almost overhyped my day. Silly me. SO as I was saying, I was sitting in the audience, studying for my test, when suddenly I GOT HARASSED and DRUGGED. Okay, I'm kindof exagerating. But riddle me this...what's so bad about studying at a football game? No one is creating any intelligent conversation and's not FOOTBALL. Why do Americans call football football. You kick the ball a marginally short ammount of time compared to when you touch it. Man..maybe American Football is a closeted homosexual sport. So obsessed with touching balls that they cover up their obvious male fetish with a so obviously heterosexual name. I mean, comeon! Look at the obvious signs. Like..the terms of football. Touch down? TOUCH..DOWN. Ball Carrier. BLOW....OUT! Check DOWN.CORNER BACK.DEAD BALL!DEFENSIVE...DEFENSIVE..DEFENSIVE BACK!GOAL LINE. HAND OFF.HOLDING!KNEEL! LINE BACKER.LOOSE BALL!RUSH! I could go ON AND ON! It's gayer than Daniel Radcliffe. You think he's straight, don't you? Damn, now I have to furtherly digress. Damn. Okay, one word. Equus. Wait...damn that's beastiality. Okay I'm regressing now....
Okay well anyway, I'm there studying for philosophy, minding my own buisness...when a drunk wench approached me saying: "Why are you studying! WTF WTF. (What the fuck), dude chilll out, drink some of this".
Why did I drink some of that, I still don't know to this day.
I took a sip.
I'm kindof a baby, but that was my first sip of alcohol.
Now before I make a confession, let me just say that I think all the time.
All the time.
I'm an overthinker.
Now, that tiny bit of alcohol. It let me be me. It let me quote the beatles! WAPA. I hate george lopez, why did I just quote him?
Anyway, that was today.

I have more to say, but I'm going to let that start my next post.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I'm like Oliver Wood baby..I'm a Keeper.

I never write in the morning...
but I'm writing about mourning
so I think it works.
I've recently read a blog about how to deal with someone who is mourning. After reading it I realized that I'm even going to be the best at helping people mourn. Is there anything I can't do? No, I can't do that thing where I turn into light! Shut up Jesus. Jeez, always trying to one-up me. It was a rhetorical question!
Anyway, I would have my own show and everything. The Mourning helper! The theme song would start out with a rapid beat, a sort of tarzan vibe, then it would suddenly stop. You hear a huge gasp of breath and a sudden fountain of shrieks, outcries, and overall sadness. Then suddenly all goes quiet and you can just hear the pumpkin shaped frowns being turned upside down. (Quick note: frowns don't go into a complete u shape when you're frowning, so by turning that frown upside down actually makes it form a sort of smirk on your face, instead of a recognizable smile.) Then you would hear a huge voice saying: THE MOURNING, and a small squeaky voice whispering: helper! My gorgous face would then appear, taking up the whole screen, while winking at whoever is watching. I'd be like the mono lisa, except pretty, and without mono. Or was that Mona Lisa? Who knows?
I rode the Harry Potter ride four times now and I have to say that I'm not as impressed as everyone else is. I mean, it's pretty cool how your vehicle thing goes right up to each and every creature and how realistic it feels. Plus, hearing Rons voice makes me feel all happy inside; the anti-dementer feeling, if you will.
Now to be a negative Nancy, or in this case, a negative Neville, or a vivacious Voldemort, or a Hindersome Harry, or a sexy Severus....I've gone too far. Oxymorons aren't usually my thing.
Sorry to be a negative Neville, but the story line of the ride made absolutely no sense at all. First of all, letting Muggles into Hogwarts would be preposterous. I mean, they're not supposed to know wizards exsist! I say they because I'm a wizard. While you're in the castle you see Dumbledore, which is obviously impossible because he's dead. After that, you get into the ride and you're supposed to be on a broom following Ron and Harry when suddenly Hagrid asks you if you've seen a dragon. Why would he have a Hungarian Horntail at Hogwarts? I saw no Goblet on fire. I didn't even see a small candle with a flame. Then after you "defeat" the Dragon, you're suddenly in the Forbidden Forest and see the Womping Willow, which really isn't that unbelievable. Suddenly you're then at the Quidich Pitch and Dementors come out of no where to attack you? What? That makes no sense. Dementors were only around when Sirius broke out of prison! Plus, after Voldemort was killed they depleted in numbers and wouldn't be stupid enough to go into the lions den, so to speak. After a couple Dementers glide at you, you're suddenly in the Chamber of Secrets? WTF. I think the maker of the ride just watched the movies, picked a couple of scenes, and made a ride. I can probably recreate the ride by watching the movies and moving from side to side.
The butterbeer made up for everything, probably because I was in a sugar coma, but still.
From now on, I just want Barnes and Noble gift cards for all gift giving holidays. I want it to be so if someone gives me something that's not a Barnes and Noble gift card, they feel really out of place and be looked at like they're a moron. At first they'd think: "Man, all these people gave him the same thing! I am so original". Then I'd open it and a sudden gasp would occur. Everyone would point at the door at say: "Get out". And that'd be the end of that. Hilarious.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn

I think my blogging dry spell is now over. Thank God, or lack there of, I do not really know. I don't want this blog to be all about Jesus, although he'd like it to be (more on that later), so I'll just say a few things. 1. Jesus is definitely nicer than God is and I feel safer in writing this blog. 2. Jesus is kindof, how do I say this uncontroversially, egotistical? I mean, when he says jump, he expects everyone to say: how high. When he says love thy neighbor he expects everyone to have sex, right then and there. When he says do onto others as you would have done onto you, he expects you to magically get all of God's powers and help with his work load. Enough with this clever babbling, Jesus kind of wants everyone to drop everything and follow him, but honestly, I like my stuff. Can you wait, say, about eight decades? And lastly 3.The more I read the bible, the more I laugh whenever I hear the self asked rhetorical question: "What would Jesus do?". If I find out there's someone in my group of friends that wants to kill me, I'm not going to be a dumbass and let them do it. Jeez Jesus, haha, try that's so Ravening it! If Raven can do it, so can you. If I ran out of wine, and I'm in dire for it, I'm going to the store. If God tries to test me by making me fast for 40 days and nights in a desert and the devil offers me food, I will probably eat it. So sorry Jesus, I constantly ask myself: "What would House do", or "What would J.D (scrubs) do?" or, most importantly: "What would Adam do?" Having a role model always leads you to be focusing on that 2nd place prize, while all two of my eyes are on first. I mean, if life is a game, there has to be a winner. Right?
Okay, so that's enough about Jesus. CHRIST! Not you.
I honestly do not understand why people are in love with South Park. I stay up at night thinking about it. I mean, it's bad enough they're all midgets, but to add to it all, their voices are just so disgusting. I never knew a voice could literally sound so ugly that it would make me taste vommit in my mouth, but congratulations South Park, you've done it.
Speaking of sleeping, every night I've been trying to create my own dreams like they did in Inception without avail. Everytime I realize the dream is a dream, I wake up. It's killing me inside. Oh, and by the way, he wasn't dreaming. In Inception, Cob WAS not dreaming. Now to all you Pro Dreamers out there, I know you probably have a million arguments as to why he was. The kids didn't age, the top kept spinning, his life had a story tale ending, so on and so on. Now I won't address those only to say that we never knew how long Cob(Leo) was gone from his kids, the top could have fallen, and some stories do end..happily? Here's my proof though. Watch the movie again and notice that whenever he's dreaming he wears a ring on his finger. When he's not dreaming, he isn't. At the end of the movie, he has no ring on his finger. SO he wasn't dreaming. Plus the name of the girl that helped him through the 4 dreams was Ariande. Why is this important? It's important because in greek mythology, Ariande led a greek god out of this giant maze made by a horrible greek goddess and he made it out safely. So in conclusion, Suck it.
I decided that I can't decide if Inception is better than The Dark Knight. The only thing I definitely know is that Chris Nolan is a genius.
I think it's weird that I always end my blogs at midnight.
So I'm going to end my note with an update on my life for once:
I'm currently living in Davids House because my parents are at my Uncles Wedding in England
I am ridiculously jealous of the above stated fact
I am obsessed with blogs on psychology
I love the game wipeout, but I hate the show
I love reading the Bible and how no one can school me at it
I might be going to Washington D.C next thursday and I should have technically been there three days ago
I hate using I, a lot. Whenever I do, I feel egotistical and douchy. (meaning showery in french)
I love Jason Mraz..a lot.
Lastly, I love how certain people in my life can make me feel so happy and accomplished by saying the simplist things.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Oh my god, I said "Oh my god"

Okay, so writing in this blog is really getting hard. Instead of talking about Jesus in this blog entry, I will instead talk about a group of people, a lot like the 12 disciples; or whatever they were called, who also drank alcohol and believed that they could do anything. The leader would also have had a beard if she didn't wax herself so often. That's right folks, I'm comparing Jesus and his followers to Jersey Shore. Is that a sin? Let me check the bible. Cheating: no. Stealing: no. Saying "Oh my god": damn it, I just said it. Murder: no. Okay, I think I'm safe...OH NO! God damn it! Apparantly it counts as blasphemy. I could kill someone right now! But for fear of commiting another sin, I will stop while I'm ahead? Behind? I mean, technically I'm ahead because I have two sins, when before I had none. But, I can also be judged as bellow because I'll be going to hell for doing those things.
I don't really understand why saying Oh My God is a sin. I mean, everyone does it, but no one repents each time they say it. Plus, isn't repenting supposed to be ridiculously painful? I mean, if I repented each and every time I said "Oh my god", I think I would commit suicide. Wouldn't you? Also, if you say Oh my gosh, isn't that the same thing because you're basically thinking: Oh my god? It's a paradox. People don't even repent until the end of their lives anyway, and I think it's cheating in a way. I mean, people that do good things their whole life go to heaven, but a bad person who says sorry at the end goes to heaven too? That's like me studying to get an A and someone else cheating to get the same score I did. This doesn't really sound like a "Just" God, but if you think about it, nothing about him is. I mean, if God did exsist, or at least in the way we portray him, wouldn't you think he'd stop the countless deaths in Africa? Wouldn't he forbid war and listen to everyone's thoughts, not just Christians?
The expression "everything happens for a reason" scares me. I mean, what possible reason could there be for a two year old kid to get drowned in the bath tub by his mom? What possible reason could there be for 200 years of slavery? What possible reason could there be for the current child army constantly growing in Uganda? If there is a God, he is either not doing his job, or is a watcher, and not an actor in this play we call life. Otherwise, I'd rather be in the first circle of Hell with Ghandi and Freedie Mercury.
Sorry for my huge exasperated tangent, but alas, these things trouble me.
Anyway, now for a more believable being: Snooky and the gang in Jersey Shore. Now, I know what you're thinking: "I knew Adam was gay". Sorry homosexuals out there, I love fly booties on fake tanless women. Unfake tanless women? I don't even know.
The whole show felt like a giant soap opera that was unscripted and uncut. Well, the dresses were definitely cut, if you know what I mean. The whole concept of the show is very witty and it's no wonder why they have many viewers. Although, I can't tell if the girls on the show are hot, or disgusting. They should work on that.
My favourite part was when Snooky was pissed off at Obama for raising the tax on tanning booths. She thought he was after people like her and she knew Palin would never do something like that. Hilarious
Tommorows blog topic will not be declared just because I've been very bad about reading and sticking to my schedule.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

If you have an issue, here's a tissue.

Now I know I said that I would post something everyday, SO I am. Even though this will be ridiculously short, even by my standards. Okay so I typed in controversial issues into google and the first thing that came up was gay marriage. Here's my view. Everyone is entitled to be unhappy..LOL JK that's Eminems view. But right now it's my view, because as long as they're not marrying me, I don't really care, nor should anyone. Religion and politics should be a personal thing and that's basically the issue when dealing with gay marriage. Since half of my answer was copying my white chocolate friend, pun, the next topic that came out was Affirmitive Action. People get born rich, so they start out in life ahead. Why can't being born black give people advantages, other than being able to dance and cook amazing chicken? I say Affirmitive.
Tommorow I'll continue my Bible biography and divulge into the life and times of Jesus Christ aka: the god in OH MY GOD. Is jesus god, the son of god, or just gods cousin? Read more to find out, or don't. Only God will know...and my blog reader counter.
What else? I basically "discovered" two more amazing websites and one amazing show that I will talk about the next blog entry when I have more time.
Chao for now.