Wednesday, May 26, 2010

This is awkward... Hi.... Where have I been? Would you believe I had homework? I was busy? Haha Seniors don't have homework or exams. Sorry blog, I just didn't have the energy to write anything lately. I feel like I just came home from cheating on my wife or something. Anyway a lot has happened.

My books have finally arrived, and I have figured out that I literally have over three thousand pages to read in a month. Haha, kids in Africa fear not finding the next meal, and I'm afraid of not finishing a couple of books that I can always re check out. Funny how life is.

Prom was one of the most amazing days of my life and I couldn't have possibly picked a better person to go with. I was never more comfortable dancing or talking to anyone. Hopefully my bad dancing didn't put her off.

Now many people ask me: what if my future son likes dancing instead of football, and his friends make fun of him? Well...he can dance if he wants to. He can leave his friends behind. Because if his friends don't dance and if they don't dance then their no friends of his. SSSSS AAAA FFFF EEEE.
It's amazing how some people have to spend a lot of money to have fun, but when I'm with Kat and Nicole, I can literally be doing anything. Two days ago we just went to the Dr Phillips park and spent the whole time on the swings trying to kick our shoes as far as possible. Such simplicities in life are the things I'll always remember.

I don't understand scientific protocol. This is random, but it just pisses me off. There is apparantly a cure for cancer that they've found, but it won't be available to the public til 2020. 2020? SERIOUSLY? You know how many people die a year from cancer and they have to take 10 years to do all their ridiculous testing. I know it should take at least 5 years but if I was dying from Cancer I would literally do anything to get rid of that tumor. I keep thinking about it more and more, and cancer seems like a great thing for pharmaceudical companies. Kimo therapy makes up half of their revenue and almost 1/3 of Americans get cancer at one point of their life. So what would happen if we found a cure? If the cure was something like eating an orange with salt on it? They would lose everything. Everything. Logically, having a cure would be a terrible thing for business owners, and if I was a pharamaceudical chairman I would avoid the cure, ironically, like the plague.

Don't you hate it when you wanted to say something, it was the perfect time to say it, and you didn't say it. You couldn't verbalize it? You whisper it so silently that it's inaudible to everyone but you? I hate those moments and wish I had more courage.

I love Shrek 4. Shrek puns like redonkulous will never ever ever get old. <3.

I'm going to start reading the Bible soon. I want to see what the fuss is all about.

Throughout my high school life, people have said that I look like Shaggy, from Scoobie Doo, and today it happened again. Now, I can't tell if that's an insult, or a compliment, or what. Now from what I remember, Daphny and Fred would always go alone together and wouldn't show up til the end. I always wondered what they did, and now I know. Velma always lost her glasses! You would think she'd get contacts by the 50th episode. And Scooby's voice was hilarious and so was Shaggys. But I think it's an insult because Shaggy, along with all of the other characters in Scooby Doo, never figured out that the bad guy is and always will be Old Man Jenkins. Always. The basic theme of Scooby Doo is to never trust old men. Ever.

Tommorow is the last day of school. The Armagadon of High School. I don't know whether I've been shot in the foot or won a million dollars. All I know is that the future looks amazing, but I hope I don't lose the past, the memories, and the people that I've met along the way.

I'd like to end this blog. Well actually this blog is more of a ramble because I just named random ideas and things that have happened with no interconnecting whatsoever. Anyways lets just call it a blog. I'd like to end this blog with an entry from jordans yearbook that I have signed tonight:

"When did this flame come to be stricken with this match of passion, love and all things rock and roll? Well my thoracic cavity was first intruded on my 2nd class of the day freshman year began, the day my life began. I walked into the room and saw it. It was a muffin. A muffin with two different shades of brown with a halo underneath and a skater look that made me want to do a pancake spin on his doughy, but soft, posterior and land straight on his femur, and feel mur. I had to play it cool. I sat in front of him, turned around slowly, did a Sebastien flip, and oddly coined that phrase before everyone, and stared straight into his light brown hershey milk chocolate eyes and lucky me, he had a caramel filing. He gave me this crazy face, but, crazy in the way that Jessica Alba is crazy hot, the way that Lydia Chung is crazy smart, and the way that Chris anne is crazy for not looking both ways before crossing the street. He did it before I did it, and when he did, it felt so good. No innuendo (in your endo) intended...yet. Hey I'm Jordan F. What's your name?" The He was you, the me was me, and the love was strong..."

When I next will be the summer.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

"Oh my God!".."You Rang?"

Did Jesus ever go to the bathroom? Don't look at my blog like that! It's a valid question. I mean, between his talking about neighbors, sinners and sluts did he ever have to pop a squat in a random hole somewhere? Can you imagine living in Jesus's time, knowing he's God, and going to the bathroom right next to him? I don't know about you, but I'd keep that feces. Speaking of feces, someone apparantly put feces in the soap dispensor at school. Hopefully no one washed their face with it. The reason I'm asking about the whole Jesus number 2 thing, is because I was Jesus today for Gods and Godesses day. I kindof took it literal. Oh my Me was my catch phrase and whenever anyone said Oh my God, I'd instantly reply: You rang? Comedic Gold.

I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. Logically it makes no sense at all. I mean, what reason could there be for me dropping my pencil? Or eating an extra chicken leg when i really shouldn't? But, if you only live your life logically, you're only living half of your life. And I suppose that's always been my problem. I'm like Voldemort with one horcrux. Anyway I've been trying to find out what I should major in other than English, and I do this thing where I look for hints fate gives me to make my decision, and today, fate was a betch. Probably for the whole blasphamy thing. I'm picking between Psycology, Anthropology and Political Science. First, my Anatomy teacher decided to have this whole conversation about the origin of racism with me, and I couldn't have been more interested. We talked for more than twenty minutes and I realized that theres nothing I love more than traveling and learning about other cultures. But then, BAM, I get voted most likely to be the next president of the United States in my stats class, even though I was born in Scotland. Bravo for that. And then Excel, a UCF program, called me about me changing my major, and if I'd do a science related field, then proceeded on telling me how amazing the psycology program is at UCF. AH. At least I have one month left to decide, but maybe I can double major, double minor.

SPOILER ALERT: Cuddy ended up with House on the season finale. Maybe love isn't impossible after all.

I miss reading the harry potter books and wondering what would happen in the next one. I feel like a huge portion of my life is gone, and I'll never get it back. So I'm going to start reading the harry potter books again. Just because :).

I eat while I watch the biggest loser. I like to pretend they can see what they're missing. I also love the hilarious diction they constantly use like: "I have a big problem" and "We have to get over this obese obstacle" and "My weight is my biggest problem". I shouldn't laugh, but they realy need to choose their words more carefully or they'll get a lot more viewers looking for a good laugh. Like me.

And that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Monday, May 17, 2010

I Love House! LOL JK He's Not Real!

Have you ever heard about Froyos before? Yeah neither had I, until today after school. My sister took a bunch of her friends and I to this icecream pavillian where you can pick your own ice cream and toppings, and pay by how much it weighs. Wait a second...that sounds familiar. Hmm Oh that's right, It's EXACTLY like menchies! The cup dispensor is the same, the yogurt machine is the same, they even have a lot of the same toppings! Except it's cheaper! IT doesn't even have the clumps of reese's I put as my sole topping on my usual cookies and cream at Menchies. I honestly think that someone walked into a menchies, looked around, and said: "Wow, this is a really good idea, can I steal it?" Hate to break it to you Froyos, but first of all, whatsup with your name? Is it supposed to be a combination of the words frozen and yogurt? Really? Cause I feel like I'm mouth vomitting everytime I say it. "Are you going to froyos?" "The bathrooms over there....". Second of all, you are basically the equivilent of a "slut" in the weighing ice cream for money buisness. You put your prices lower than the competition, you're easy, and you're not as good as the original. I felt dirty eating you Froyo, and I don't think I'll ever feel more of a Benedick then I did eating your poorly made product. Third of all, use Frozegurt instead! It has more of a ring to it, and doesn't sound like you forgot how to speak the english language.

It's Senior week and although I'm going to be House, Jesus, Mr Barrows, and a Hippy this week, I can't help but to think about what this week leads to. A bunch of dancing, grinding, self conscious movements and Mr Nadler telling us not to go home, but, to get the heck out of there. Final Exams, Senior Walk out, Graduation.

Facebook groups seem to describe my life. Escpecially "Why do I like you, when I know you don't like me back" and "I love you..LOL JK I'm Voldemort" Lmao, people think the animal rubber band thing is a craze but LOL JK is definitely spreading faster. It is literally the only reason I go on Facebook these days. Oh, and nothing is dumber than those animal rubber bands! The only way you can see what animal you have is to take it off, so what's the point? I could just be wearing a regular red rubber band on my hand, but now, you'll never know. Congratulations! Add this new invention to cube shaped cars, snuggies and crocs. As useless as chemo therapy on a cold.

The House Finale is tonight. That period with no explanation or emotion makes it feel final, the end of a really good thing. But in a way, it isn't. There are more seasons to go, but watching this episode end marks a trend of endings for me. High School is ending. Friendships are ending. My way of life, is ending. Will it be an Obama change, or a David Bowie change? What's the difference? Well an Obama change leaves you with a hopeful feeling in your heart and a heavy desire for Kentucky Fried Chicken and Watermellon. Oh and a thirst for Koolaid. While a David Bowie Change just lets you say words like change in a cool way and makes you forget all of your problems. This chachachachacha change will leave me with my besties for the next four years, Lil Sis and Sister in Law, but will undoubtedly leave me to decide what I'm doing for the rest of my life, and meet new people, and become the man I'll be for the rest of my life.
Can't I just stay in my bed all day and read?

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Bill Nye Isn't dead!

Today, I had no idea where my common sense has been hiding. Probably wherever sexy was before Justin Timberlake found it. Oh Timberlake..if you weren't funny, I'd have no respect for you.
Anyway, the timber in my lake was the Orange County Library website that I discovered today! You can order books online? What? Why do book stores like Barnes and Nobles exist if you can just get free books sent to your home, free of charge? Are people morons? Then again, I shouldn't be talking. I ordered nine books! Nine! How can i possibly read nine books in one month? Well okay, I can do that with normal books, but one of the books is the fricken bible! One thousand one hundred and one pages of God that most people can't even read in a year! Then I arrogantly continued to order the History of Time by Steven Hawking, Les Miserables, and many other classics that would otherwise take me a ridiculous amount of time to read. I can smell a fine coming, but at least Jesus, and a whole bunch of sinners, can comfort me in my gluttonous consumption of literature, or damn me to hell for it.
Speaking of hell, I was forced to watch Dr Oz today, and I have a slap bet going on with my mom that he has more hole in ones than Tiger Woods. I'm always afraid to say things that can make me sound homoerotic, unless I'm around my japanese bear, but, I think it's perfectly straight to recognize when a man is good looking. Hot is pushing it. So Dr Oz is too....relatively good looking to not be having some sort of affair with all those woman laughing at every corny joke that he makes. "Consider that myth...BUSTED". I nearly died. Anyways, like the wise Betty White said: "Wizard of ASS"
Some closing thoughts...isn't saying history of time redundant? Maybe that's the point that Steven Hawkings is making, and that time is just a black hole that goes on and on without ending. Or maybe he's just an idiot. Who knows?
And why do women watch the Doctor Oz show? They should be in the kitchen, making me a sandwich.
High point: Bill Nye the Science guy is alive and actually came on this horrible show! But Dr Oz kept talking over him! Ugh.
But I guess...that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Thursday, May 13, 2010


How does one start a blog or a blague for that matter? I guess I'll just jump in then.

Pas de Cheval in french literally translates to "I have no horse." I do not have a horse. FACT. I'm no Alan Strang, but horses are literally the best thing since Kanye West interupted Taylor Swift. More on that later. This blog is my horse, and I will metaphorically ride it for as long as I can. Metaphors aside, "Pas" in french slang can mean a foot, or more particularly a step. So a "Pas de Cheval" is a horse step, or in other words a bad step, a mid step. I have a feeling this blog will be just that, an awkward start to an even more awkward journey that will hopefully end in success. I also love the song Pas de Cheval by Panic at the Disco.
Get ready for my views on basically everything I feel like writing about, and please feel free to comment because I will take all the help I can get.
This Blog will be no Blague (french practical joke), but we'll never know until we're there.