This whole summer thing has made me soft. Literally. I think I've eaten my weight in chips yesterday, and that was just breakfast. And yet, my mom tells me I'm skin and bone and according to the quack, aka Dr Oz, my muscle will start being used for energy and I'll lose muscle mass and be doomed to have Mrs Desmonds wings forever. LOLZ what muscle? I'd prefer to call it my P-51 semi automatic, size doesn't always matter.
Hard Knock
Who's there?
Me! Along with Jordy and a bunch of other less important people. Hard knocks is the Tiger woods of laser tag, with none of the embarassing controversies and hoes. Does the word ho add an e when it goes plural? hmm. Oh real quick, a note to Tiger Woods: Your wife was smokin hot.....those 18 women aren't, thank god she took you back... get glasses. What was I talking about, oh yes hard knocks. Okay so first you pick a name, mine of course being Tupac with an upside down question mark. Yes I held my gun sideways, thanks for asking. Now, most laser tag places have...the same gun for everyone. This place has machine guns, shot guns, snipers, and basically anything you would use if you were actually going to war, and all the guns had girl names. It had all the fun of the Iraq war, with none of the actual death, and all of the innuendos of naming your gun after a girl. I basically got cornered by four different people on multiple occasions and basically had the time of my life. I knew it'd be legit, but I thought it might quit. It didn't....it was too legit to quit.
Speaking of legit, I've been thinking about some things that are not legit, and I wish I would quit:
What's up with girls thinking cars are hot? Or guys for that matter? Cars are literally a piece of metal that take you from one place to the other. It's definitely a new sensation seeing as how we used to use horses. Do you think women used to get turned on my a horses neigh? I CAN do a good impersonation, but alas I was born in the wrong century. It makes no sense. It's like getting turned on by a toaster. Oh that's right toaster, please yeah yea you you you yessss my buns are toasted! Niceeee. NO. JUST NO. They look cool I guess, but to be feeling feelings of intimacy just because of a roar of an engine is a little extreme. Even for women. And men.
Another thing, what's the point of award ceremonies, graduation, and weddings for that matter? Do we really need any of those things? Think about it for two seconds. Award ceremonies and graduation are just an ego boosters. It is! I mean, what other reason could there be to get awards and applause from screaming parents and friends? It's a hubris thing, and I for one do not see the point. Not only do I not feel proud about graduating, I also don't feel like listening to hundreds of names in a three hour period. Now, why are weddings pointless? Well, a wedding is just a way to declare your love for your wife or husband in front of everyone you know. So you're basically saying: Hey guys I love my wife, don't believe me? Heres a bunch of wedding vows and a humongous ring. Eastern culture definitely has it right by showing their love in silence. But where does that leave me? Well, I for one, love award ceremonies, and graduation and I want a ridiculously amazing wedding. Confused? These things aren't logical. At all. I have an ego, a giant one in fact, and the thing is, I like to keep it fed, along with my stomach. I like being patted on the back. I like having hubris. I love being awarded for my hard work. Without feelings, life would be ridiculously logical, but is life worth living without them? I want to see my wife across the aisle, and honestly, being an american, I will want to scream my love for her from the tallest mountain, and soothe all her doubt by doing so. So I guess the point...is that there's no point, except for self pleasure.
Speaking of self pleasure, no one does anything nice without a reason. Ever. People like to believe that people can be selfless and would do anything for anyone without any reward, but the truth is, it's impossible. When I help someone, I do it to feel better about myself and because it makes me feel good. That's why everyone helps, and there is no person on Earth that helps people without that same exact self pleasure you get from weddings and graduations. NONE.
Anyway, I started reading the Bible and I have a question for all the Christians out there. Between all the begating, and the God asking for light and the light coming and the whole Eve eating that damn apple, there's one thing that doesn't make sense. Well two. Well three. One, why does eve eating an apple cause us to never be able to see eachother naked? Two, why did eve eat that apple? Okay four! Why can't snakes talk? And Four, the biggest one! What happened to the dinosaurs? I mean God created the world in 6 days and rested for one right? Why'd he rest if he's an all powerful...nevermind, I'm bombarding you with questions anyway, let me continue. God created humans during those seven days so humans and dinosaurs must have simultaniously existed according to creationism. Valid observation right? I mean, was Jesus riding a raptor while he said that we should lay our treasures up in heaven? Was a crucification just a bunch of Cruxicherios tearing Jesus to shreads? Yes a Cruxicherios was a dinosaur apparantly...I wikipediad it. Dont' give me that look! I still believe in it. Does a Cruxicherios look like a crucifix and a box of chereos? Clever observations aside, I read once that born again Christians believe that dinosaur bones were sent to Earth to "trick" humans into not believing in God, to "test" their faith? I'm sure you're wondering: who are these born again christians? Welllll, President George Bush is/was one, and so is Sarah Palin and many other huge members of society. Let me continue with this thought. So, this God of ours, is trying to trick us? We have a prankster god on our hands? A Prometheus? A Hermes? "HAHAHA we'll see who believes in me now." Will a dialogue at the gates of heaven go like this?: "Everything looks fine but....do you belive in dinosaurs?" "Welll yeah, there are bones everywhere" "YOU IDIOT, Flying LIZARDS! YOU're a MORON" "It seemed so plausible....." This leads me to my next question: was jesus a raptor? Is god a raptor? If I die and go to heaven will I be torn to shreads or be put into slavery under an angry T-rex with a bad attitude? I'll have more questions as I continue to read. I'm not trying to make fun of anyones religion, I'm just trying to question the way we think of things and will do the same thing when I read the Quran. After all Augustus said: When we doubt, our faith increases"
I'll end this ridiculously thoughtful blog by saying that I'm going to graduate on Saturday and all I can think about is: is it just me, or does this cloak make me look like Harry?
I'm Harry right?
I'll have a blog just about that topic
But for now...
I'll stop writing every thought I think.
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